Goals Refresher Part 2 – Community

“Let’s set ourselves up for our future selves to be grateful,” my favorite millennial recently said on her podcast.

It’s going on 6 months since COVID-19 upended our world. I took advantage of the forced time with myself to work on a few goals I’ve claimed to want to achieve for years. How am I doing? Let’s find out!

GOAL: MAKE NEW FRIENDS BUT KEEP THE OLD.

COVID-TIMES: Zoom and FaceTime becomes our lifeline. I host a weekly call with my around-the-world girlfriends. I also run a weekly Zoom with two theater lovers. My husband and I join our first real English pub quiz, hosted by our friend Mark (who lives in Nottingham! Robin Hood! Merry Men!)

TWO MONTHS IN: Still going strong on the weekly Zoom calls. Honestly, I enjoy them. I feel more connected to my girlfriends than I have in months, maybe years. Virtual happy hour is a blast!

I experiment with social media. I follow lots of writers and DAYS fans on Twitter. I lurk. I play with the Stories feature on Instagram but delete most of what I publish within minutes. I’m still shy. I don’t know how millennials do it. They are unstoppable sharing machines.

MID-JUNE: The around-the-world group decides to drop down to every other week. The theater gals Zoom remains weekly but caps at under an hour. We don’t have much to talk about. No one’s doing anything new.

I find I’m distracted by social media throughout the day. I’m bolder with commenting and retweeting/sharing. I get why millennials love this. Likes and replies are like little gold stars. I’m a sucker for gold stars.

JULY: I get a DM asking if I’m subscribed to The Freddie and Alyssa Show on YouTube? She recognized my handle from the LiveStream they host on their Producers channel. Her name is Amanda and she lives in Manchester, UK. We DM a bit. Then more and more. She’s so nice!

TODAY: The scheduled Zoom calls still take place, but we all have screen fatigue. I’ve stopped reaching out to most of my friends. Calls and texts from me are rare. I respond but don’t initiate. I use social media to share, but hardly look at what my friends post. It’s the opposite of how I’ve been for years.

FUTURE GOAL: How do I fix this? I still adore my friends, so why am I isolating myself? I’m glum and sad a lot lately. Send me a message or leave a comment below. I’ll take any and all suggestions.

A GOOD THING! Amanda is now a real friend! We now talk by video chat about once a week. It’s great to have someone to talk to about DAYS, but we talk about everything else under the sun too. Look at what she gave me for my birthday!

My favorite millennial and her fiancé! (He’s a fave too, let’s be real)

Next up: Creativity

Sprinkling Fairy Dust

I won a Zoom chat with Alyssa and Freddie! I’m thrilled for the chance to thank them for their audiobook, which I’ve blogged about quite a bitmaybe too much. My newfound social media bad-assery paid off!

Being grateful and thankful is an important part of positivity. What a wonderful exercise to think of three things you’re thankful for each morning. It opens your heart and mind to good things that come your way. But it seems the act of actually thanking people gets a bit lost.

When I worked at a law firm in Atlanta, a second-year associate hid in my office. He’d submitted a document to the Delaware Secretary of State, but found a calculation error after it was posted. He was miserable because the last time he’d worked for this client, he made a similar error and had to submit a Certificate of Correction, which wasn’t good. “I can’t go back to them with the same mistake a second time,” he groaned.

“Let me see what I can do.” I picked up the phone and called DSOS. After speaking with a few people, it turned out that they could do a page swap within 12 hours of filing! We quickly submitted the corrected page and the document was fixed. What a relief!

At the end of the day, I called DSOS again. I left a voice message profusely thanking the rep who’d helped us, hung up and moved on to the next thing.

The next morning I had a message from DSOS. Uh-oh.

“Nothing’s wrong,” the rep’s message began. “I just had to tell you that we never, ever get thanked. All of the overnight voice mails are complaints. I forwarded your message to my supervisor, who forwarded it to the Secretary himself, and he sent it to the whole office. You don’t know what it means to us to hear we actually helped.”

Ever since, I make sure I thank and compliment people who help, or try to help as best as they can, especially in crummy situations like when a flight gets canceled. “Can you transfer me to your supervisor? I’d love to give them a compliment about you.” It’s so easy. You could help someone get a bump in pay at their annual review just by giving a compliment about them to their boss. My husband and I call it “sprinkling fairy dust.”

You see why I’m super excited to thank Alyssa and Freddie. They helped me so much and they have no idea! If it were me who put something out into the world like The Pivot Principle, I’d be so happy to hear I helped someone. But we are strangers so I don’t know how Alyssa and Freddie might feel. I will think carefully about what to say and a succinct way to say it. I’d die if their reaction was, “Anywaaaayyy…”