Goals Refresher Part 2 – Community

“Let’s set ourselves up for our future selves to be grateful,” my favorite millennial recently said on her podcast.

It’s going on 6 months since COVID-19 upended our world. I took advantage of the forced time with myself to work on a few goals I’ve claimed to want to achieve for years. How am I doing? Let’s find out!

GOAL: MAKE NEW FRIENDS BUT KEEP THE OLD.

COVID-TIMES: Zoom and FaceTime becomes our lifeline. I host a weekly call with my around-the-world girlfriends. I also run a weekly Zoom with two theater lovers. My husband and I join our first real English pub quiz, hosted by our friend Mark (who lives in Nottingham! Robin Hood! Merry Men!)

TWO MONTHS IN: Still going strong on the weekly Zoom calls. Honestly, I enjoy them. I feel more connected to my girlfriends than I have in months, maybe years. Virtual happy hour is a blast!

I experiment with social media. I follow lots of writers and DAYS fans on Twitter. I lurk. I play with the Stories feature on Instagram but delete most of what I publish within minutes. I’m still shy. I don’t know how millennials do it. They are unstoppable sharing machines.

MID-JUNE: The around-the-world group decides to drop down to every other week. The theater gals Zoom remains weekly but caps at under an hour. We don’t have much to talk about. No one’s doing anything new.

I find I’m distracted by social media throughout the day. I’m bolder with commenting and retweeting/sharing. I get why millennials love this. Likes and replies are like little gold stars. I’m a sucker for gold stars.

JULY: I get a DM asking if I’m subscribed to The Freddie and Alyssa Show on YouTube? She recognized my handle from the LiveStream they host on their Producers channel. Her name is Amanda and she lives in Manchester, UK. We DM a bit. Then more and more. She’s so nice!

TODAY: The scheduled Zoom calls still take place, but we all have screen fatigue. I’ve stopped reaching out to most of my friends. Calls and texts from me are rare. I respond but don’t initiate. I use social media to share, but hardly look at what my friends post. It’s the opposite of how I’ve been for years.

FUTURE GOAL: How do I fix this? I still adore my friends, so why am I isolating myself? I’m glum and sad a lot lately. Send me a message or leave a comment below. I’ll take any and all suggestions.

A GOOD THING! Amanda is now a real friend! We now talk by video chat about once a week. It’s great to have someone to talk to about DAYS, but we talk about everything else under the sun too. Look at what she gave me for my birthday!

My favorite millennial and her fiancé! (He’s a fave too, let’s be real)

Next up: Creativity

Alyssa’s Greatest Hits

IT HAPPENED! Freddie and Alyssa hosted the Zoom chat with the 3 winners – including me! It was a blast! Alyssa and Freddie are genuine, sweet people. We talked about DAYS of course, but also theater, public health, hometowns, pets…a wide range! It was so nice to have conversations with new people. Like we were strangers chatting each other up in line. I long for those pre-COVID moments, the chance encounters with strangers that could go either way – a friendly conversation that makes your night or a dude shouting at you to suck their d!ck. (Do I look like I’m into baby food? F*ck you!)

I didn’t thank them during the chat like I’d planned. It felt weird with others on the Zoom – they were there just as DAYS fans, not The Pivot Principle. Instead, I sent a brief DM after:

Thank you Alyssa and Freddie! If you wondered if something good would come of posting The Pivot Principle on YouTube, IT DID. It gave me the push to change my life. From unused potential to being kinetic. From frozen with fear to giving-no-sh*ts if I fail because there is value in trying. From C activity to A activity – wow, it’s the best way to learn. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for writing it and sharing it!

So, as I pivot (see what I did there?) from effusively blogging about my millennial gurus, I give you a gift: Alyssa’s best quotes. May she upend your world like she did mine. Drop some knowledge, Alyssa!

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.
Introduction

Any time you catch yourself about to say, “I don’t have the time for _____,” stop and say, “_____ is not a priority.”
Ch. 5, Pivot on Purpose

To reach new heights, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Ch. 1, Pivot from Fear

Only use positive words when speaking, especially to yourself.
Ch. 3, Pivot your Mindset

If all you do is try and speak your life into existence without action, you will see zero progress. But the moment you align your actions with your beliefs, and make your intentions clear to the world, you will be pleasantly surprised. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Positive reinforcement not only to yourself but to the world will leave you ready to rock it. Revive your sparkle, manifest your dreams, realize your worth.
Ch. 7, Pivot your Routine

There is no perfect moment. “Being ready” is an excuse.
-Ch. 1, Pivot from Fear

The Zoom chat!
OF COURSE I ADDED IT TO MY STORY

Pivoting My Mindset

Chapter 3 of The Pivot Principle, Pivot Your Mindset, is about the aftermath of the car accident. Alyssa takes us through the extent of her injuries and her depression during her long road of recovery. After playing with the hospital’s therapy dogs one afternoon, the pure joy they gave her made her realize it was up to her to reclaim her life in her “new normal.” She and Freddie decided to surround themselves with positive thoughts, words and actions. She credits this approach with being able to walk again in 3 months instead of 8, regaining close to 100% use of her injured eye, and running long distances again after 18 months of recovery.

Alyssa and Freddie certainly aren’t the first to tout the power of positivity. The Mayo Clinic, psychologists and scientists have proven that positive thinking reduces stress, build skills and improves your health. It’s nice to say you want to be more positive, but how do you gain, and keep, a positive mindset? Alyssa and Freddie built a strategy:

  1. Only use positive words when speaking, especially to yourself. For example, instead of saying, “I can’t,” say, “Of course I can!”
  2. Create your dream environment. Build your personal space with podcasts, music, articles and clips that have positive, uplifting messages.
  3. Gratitude. Every day, acknowledge three things you are thankful for.
  4. Visualize your life as if you’ve already achieved your dreams and goals. What does it look like? Use your imagination. What will it take to achieve those goals? Write it out, step by step, and see yourself conquering each one.

Does this seem hokey to you? Make you uncomfortable? As Alyssa said in Chapter 1, to reach new heights, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Pivoting your mindset isn’t easy. You don’t just decide to be a positive person and BAM! you’re positive. If you’re like me, you’re undoing a lot of deeply embedded mental habits.

As for their strategy, I’ll say right off the bat that only using positive words when speaking is the hardest, especially when talking to myself. But, I’ve been practicing it for a few months and it makes a difference. I used to apologize for anything and everything – I’m not the only one – and I do it much, much less since I started speaking to myself with kindness.

The biggest shift I made to create my dream environment was to stop working for a news organization. This was incredibly difficult because I loved it there – my team, the work, and the mission: To Inform the World. But, being in an environment of relentless Breaking News took its toll on me last year. I was joyless, disillusioned, depressed. I felt myself slipping away. Yet the positive talk started to work even then. I was worth leaving News. I was worth waiting for the right opportunity. It took several months but I found it.

I have a gratitude journal. I write in it most mornings. I list three things I’m thankful for. When I started it, one goal was to be a successful enough writer so I could quit my day job. But now, I don’t resent having to have a day job at all. I pivoted my mindset. My day job is the patron of my art. Writing is a pleasure, a hobby. I can write whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t depend on writing for a living. I’m thankful for my day job because it gives me the freedom to explore who I am as a writer. If someday I actually sell something, it’s a bonus.

Willing to give it a try? Or are you still skeptical? Leave me a comment, or get in touch!

They like me! They sort of like me!

YOU GUYS!

After I blogged about Freddie and Alyssa answering a viewer question (my question!) I posted another question! Because I’m bold now.

The Freddie & Alyssa Show #82

Last night I listened to podcast #84. Check out the closed captions:

Just my luck I didn’t get a shout-out, but that’s okay! I’m thrilled they like my question. Check out their answers. Freddie’s is unexpectedly fantastic.

Since my goal to have an actual exchange with both of them, what’s my next move? Any and all suggestions welcome. Also, this isn’t stalking, right? I’m talking tweets or back-and-forth in YouTube. Comment below or get in touch.

Adventures in the twitter-verse

Once again, we are skipping COVID-19 (sung to Gen-X anthem Come On Eileen) for mindless, pointless prattle: interacting with medium-level celebrities on social media!

My husband does it all the time. He’s become twitter-friends with New York celebrities Roma Torre, Amy Freeze and Sean Allen Krill, to name a few. I, on the other hand, barely used twitter until December when I sought DAYS fans who had access to super-secret fancy spoilers, and then fell ass-backwards into an awesome #writingcommunity.

In my teeny, tiny corner of the internet, I’m getting bolder with social media. I think my shyness comes from my boomer parents who think everyone on the internet is the government trying to “get you.” (Get you how? For what? No one cares what you’re doing on yahoo mail, Mom.)

But first, a reminder that President Obama follows me on Twitter.

I’m as baffled as you are.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I pivoted from fear and tweeted about my new blog. I tagged a certain two millennials whose definitely to blame for all of this newfound boldness.

Only 1 like. I know, I know: pretty lame. But it’s the quality, not the quantity, amiright? (No. I’m not right. It’s the quantity. )


This is the second time Alyssa liked my tweet.
SHE’S CREATING A MONSTER!

Alyssa’s like is a gold star to me. I crave gold stars. My husband even bought me a gold star necklace so I’d always have one. Now I want more likes! More gold stars! MORE, DAMMIT! MORE!

In Episode 76 of The Freddie & Alyssa Show, they asked their listeners to post questions that they’d answer in future podcasts. I boldly went where no me has gone before: the comment section of YouTube.

In Episode 80, whose question was answered at 9:38?

Tweet! Tweet! Tweetle-deet!

They picked my question and talked about it! What do I win?!

Discovering new music is something I’ve struggled with since the disappearance of record stores as I’ve previously posted. Ever the dutiful student, I downloaded TikTok. (I haven’t played with it yet, but I downloaded it!)

Pandora is best at predicting music you’d like to hear, which creeps me out, but that’s my parents talking. No one is trying to “get me” with songs, Mom!

This is way more fun than I thought it would be. So, the next step in my newfound celebrity stalking… Should it be to get another question answered? To get a reply to a tweet? Get them to follow me back? Comment below or send me a message!

For the record, there’s another fabulous celebrity Freddie in my twitter-verse. The one who’s already tweeted me back twice.

If FPJr. can get past my horrible Fedtival typo, so can you.