Road to Nowhere

“I wanted to write a song that presented a resigned, even joyful look at doom.” –David Byrne

Could there *be* anything more Generation X than that quote? (she asked in her best Chandler Bing voice.)

I’ve been home for 42 days. The hustle and bustle of NYC is gone, replaced with birdsong and ambulance wails. There are days I feel positive and hopeful. There are days filled with anxiety and sadness.

“Get out of the way” is the best thing most of us can do to keep the medical professionals and essential workers safe and healthy. There is so much about this pandemic that is out of our control. I feel helpless on many fronts.

I’m sad for my nephew who is a senior in high school. I worry for my friends who are juggling working remotely with home schooling and caring for elderly parents. I’m anxious for our friends who work in hospitals. The serious symptoms of coronavirus scare me, especially “difficulty breathing.”

It’s selfish, I know, but I miss being out in the city. I miss our friends and family. I miss live theater. Will Broadway recover? I worry about our actor friends, who not only lost their show but their side gigs as waiters/bartenders. Will I lose my job too? I’ve only been at my job for 3 months. I understand the desperation to revive the economy, and that staying at home is critical to stop the spread. Nothing about the pandemic is clear or straightforward.

When will it be safe to visit my parents?

I’ve tried to make good use of this stillness by working on myself. Maybe it’ll have a positive ripple effect, the way I’ve been inspired by others. Maybe it’s all for nothing.

Can we beat COVID-19, or are we on a road to nowhere?

Coronavirus-itis

My husband showed me an article in The Atlantic about COVID-19 and I saw myself in it: Americans are used to moving forward in the face of fear. We don’t let fear stop us from living our lives. In the wake of 9/11, it makes sense. This was how I was mentally dealing with Coronavirus: just keep going. This is no big deal. Everyone is overreacting. I wouldn’t even blog about it.

The big difference is what we are defying isn’t terrorism but a virus. A couple of friends told me I was being an asshole about COVID-19 and it turns out they were right. But now I understand where my assholery came from.

I’m anxious. Will I lose my new job? What about our theater friends who have lost their show and waiter/bartending jobs? How will I get to my elderly parents if something happens to them? How long until someone I know gets sick, or someone I love dies?

Channeling anxiety into productivity is a challenge. I pulled out my bucket list and picked a few things to work on for the foreseeable social distancing. It’s important to pick tasks I can achieve in the short term (learn to armpit-fart. I’m not kidding! My nephew can also make a knee-fart) and the long term (finish my short story collection) so I feel accomplished throughout. I also want variety in the tasks, not just fart-noises or writing, and not just passive activity like binge-watching. My categories are: try something, learn something, start something and share something.

Try something. Now that my brilliant plan to outsource my health is foiled, I have to face the music and deal with my food issues and fitness on my own. I’ve had this Couch-to-5K app hanging out on my phone for forever so I finally caved.
Day 1: Running isn’t so bad.
Day 2: I’m very jiggly in weird places. I don’t like this.
Day 4: “I HATE YOU, RUNNING APP!” I screamed at my phone during one of the “walk” parts.
Day 7: This is still miserable but at least I’m outside.
Day 9: I’m running for longer stretches. I begrudgingly admit this is, maybe, a little, not so bad.

Learn something. Friends have offered to teach me to play chess throughout my life but I never took them up on it beyond a lesson or two. I lived above Chess Forum in the Village for a few years and never went inside. My husband bought me a Simpsons chess set that we have played exactly once. So, I signed up for lessons on Chess.com which also has an app. Need an idea? How about learning to sing, tie a tie, stretch your hamstrings? YouTube’s got you! If you can splurge, try a Master Class or two. There are dozens available taught by the legends of their fields.

Start something. I started this blog! I research topics that interest me, I write what I choose, and I watch a lot of WordPress videos on YouTube about layout and design. Whatever you’ve dreamt about but could never do, I am rooting for you to turn this stressful coronavirus situation into something positive for yourself. I believe in you. The millennials know: you do you!

Share something. Honestly, I don’t have any idea of something I can do that’s shareable beyond the short stories I tweet. I’m incredibly excellent at pinball, real and virtual, but no one wants to watch clips of me kicking Zen Pinball‘s ass. We are starving for new content. What are you great at? What’s your stupid human trick? Can you fancy-pan-flip an omelette? Got a cool card trick? Maybe this guy will inspire us.

How about you? Let me know what you’ll be working on in the Comment section below, or send me a message.

Millennials Will Kill Us All

I can’t deny it. Pivoting my mindset to live like a millennial has really turned my life around. Since November 16, 2019, I’ve lost over 20 pounds, upgraded my employment, seriously improved my social media, and faced some of my worst bullsh*t.

But, I am starting to question this decision. Because even though my millennial gurus are self-quarantining in LA (omg they are so cute, check out their podcast), the rest of you millennials are freaking selfish, or crazy, or oblivious! Look at you with no sh*ts to give about spreading the coronavirus:

Um, you’re like, not practicing social distancing?

Dr. Deborah Brix continues to appeal to the millennial ego. “I’m going to call on that group…we need them to be healthy,” she coyly told America during today’s Presidential coronavirus press conference, “We cannot have these large gatherings that continue to occur throughout the country for people who are off work to then be socializing in large groups and spreading the virus.”

Get it together, millennials! Even Hilary Duff is yelling at you!

Millennials Will Save Us All

It seems millennials aren’t taking the coronavirus seriously. Instead of self quarantining, they’re taking advantage of cheap flights and making travel plans. I get this mentality, considering millennials are drowning in debt. Get the cheap rates while you can, live while you can, because the future is not guaranteed.

The baby boomers in charge know how to appeal to the millennial ego.

“Right now we need the army of millennials out there doing everything that they can to protect themselves from getting infected because we know a lot of their cases will be mild or asymptomatic, and making sure that they’re doing every single precaution to protect their parents and grandparents.” White House coronavirus response coordinator Dr. Deborah Birx details new plans to curb the spread of COVID-19. Good Morning America 3/17/2020

Boomers aren’t doing too good of a job self-quarantining either, and they’re freaking out their millennial offspring. Millennials have to tell their boomer folks to turn off Fox News and take the coronavirus seriously.

“I can report the sky is absolutely falling, we’re all doomed, the end is near,” Sean Hannity said on his show February 26, adding, “Or at least that’s what the media mob and the Democratic extreme, radical socialist party want you to think.”

And Generation X? We’re bragging that we can entertain ourselves thanks to our latchkey-kid upbringing. Millennials hit back:

They’re not wrong.