Goals Refresher Part 2 – Community

“Let’s set ourselves up for our future selves to be grateful,” my favorite millennial recently said on her podcast.

It’s going on 6 months since COVID-19 upended our world. I took advantage of the forced time with myself to work on a few goals I’ve claimed to want to achieve for years. How am I doing? Let’s find out!

GOAL: MAKE NEW FRIENDS BUT KEEP THE OLD.

COVID-TIMES: Zoom and FaceTime becomes our lifeline. I host a weekly call with my around-the-world girlfriends. I also run a weekly Zoom with two theater lovers. My husband and I join our first real English pub quiz, hosted by our friend Mark (who lives in Nottingham! Robin Hood! Merry Men!)

TWO MONTHS IN: Still going strong on the weekly Zoom calls. Honestly, I enjoy them. I feel more connected to my girlfriends than I have in months, maybe years. Virtual happy hour is a blast!

I experiment with social media. I follow lots of writers and DAYS fans on Twitter. I lurk. I play with the Stories feature on Instagram but delete most of what I publish within minutes. I’m still shy. I don’t know how millennials do it. They are unstoppable sharing machines.

MID-JUNE: The around-the-world group decides to drop down to every other week. The theater gals Zoom remains weekly but caps at under an hour. We don’t have much to talk about. No one’s doing anything new.

I find I’m distracted by social media throughout the day. I’m bolder with commenting and retweeting/sharing. I get why millennials love this. Likes and replies are like little gold stars. I’m a sucker for gold stars.

JULY: I get a DM asking if I’m subscribed to The Freddie and Alyssa Show on YouTube? She recognized my handle from the LiveStream they host on their Producers channel. Her name is Amanda and she lives in Manchester, UK. We DM a bit. Then more and more. She’s so nice!

TODAY: The scheduled Zoom calls still take place, but we all have screen fatigue. I’ve stopped reaching out to most of my friends. Calls and texts from me are rare. I respond but don’t initiate. I use social media to share, but hardly look at what my friends post. It’s the opposite of how I’ve been for years.

FUTURE GOAL: How do I fix this? I still adore my friends, so why am I isolating myself? I’m glum and sad a lot lately. Send me a message or leave a comment below. I’ll take any and all suggestions.

A GOOD THING! Amanda is now a real friend! We now talk by video chat about once a week. It’s great to have someone to talk to about DAYS, but we talk about everything else under the sun too. Look at what she gave me for my birthday!

My favorite millennial and her fiancé! (He’s a fave too, let’s be real)

Next up: Creativity

Goal Refresher Part 1 – Fitness

Remember when I posted I would pivot from effusively blogging about my millennial gurus? I take it back. I can’t help it if Alyssa says great stuff! “Let’s set ourselves up for our future selves to be grateful,” she says in Ep. 097.

I just had a birthday. It’s been about six months since I seriously committed to a few goals. Time to check in, see how I’ve done, and plan what to do from here.

LOSE 20 POUNDS BY LABOR DAY

COVID-TIME: I logged my food. Everything I ate. Every day. I hate logging, but I pivoted my mindset. I decided it would not be terrible. Also, I finally started the Couch-to-5K training app that’s been hanging out on my phone for over 2 years.

TWO MONTHS IN: I completed the Couch-to-5K app in 8 weeks! I can run a 5K! Slow as f*ck but I can do it! And…I lost 10 pounds!

MID-JUNE: Running is stupid. I hate it. I hate Roosevelt Island. I run around and around this island and for what? Only 2 more pounds lost. And you know what else is stupid? Logging food. I hate thinking about it, I hate doing it, it’s dumb. Everything is dumb. I hate all of this. The same thing over and over day in day out BLEAH I’M SO BORED. I’m grumpy. I’m not doing any of it any more. Spoiler alert: I promptly stop losing weight.

Going to the gun show!

JULY: Since it’s too hot and humid to run most mornings, I opt to work out in the living room. I subscribe to The Fitness Marshall. Britney-inspired choreography for hundreds of songs. He’s brilliant! It’s the only workout where I smile as I’m doing it. I love dancing. Try Into You, Rain On Me, or Boss B!tch.

For strength training, I sign up for Snatched in Six Weeks, because you don’t get Michelle Obama arms by wishing for them.

TODAY: I dance with The Fitness Marshall twice a week. It’s still fun! I’m not enjoying Snatched. It’s not Snatched’s fault. Snatched is now Zoom-based due to COVID. I’m sick of everything being on a screen. The magic of the Unicorn Ninjas is their community. In person. I’ll try again when I can Snatch at the MFF Clubhouse, like I was supposed to back in March.

Put-your-pants-on handstand?
Challenge accepted, Mr. Massey.

I downloaded the 5k Faster training app. I don’t love running but I love being outdoors. I need to get away from screens. I have major screen fatigue.

FUTURE GOAL: handstands! Thanks yet again for the fitness inspiration, guru-adjacent Chandler Massey!

I still loathe logging. I’m using my hands as measuring guides. A palm or two of protein, two fists of vegetables, a thumb of healthy fat, a cupped handful of complex carbs or fruit, per meal, 3-4 meals per day. Spoiler alert: It’s not working.

As Mark Fisher says, “You can’t out-train your diet.” He also says, “If you’re not losing weight, 95% of the time it’s because you’re overeating.” Sigh.

This is not how I set my future self up to be grateful. Got any ideas? Comment below or send me a message.

Next up: Community

It’s Been a Minute

“You haven’t blogged in a while. What’s up with that?”

My friend Jeff and I were on the phone, old school: no Zoom, no FaceTime, 90 minutes and counting.

Jeff and me in the eighth grade play!

We met in the seventh grade. If I went back in time and told 12-year-old me that Jeff and I would still be friends 30 years later, I know 12-year-old Janet would look at me with clear eyes and say, A-doy, of course we will!

“I don’t know,” I replied to Jeff. “After George Floyd, I felt strange about blogging.”

“How so?”

I struggled for the words. “It’s sort of like what happened after 9/11,” I said. “The world shrank in that moment, yet the moment spread across the globe. We’re in the midst of a long overdue cultural shift. There’s serious work to do. Important moral changes need to happen. There’s so much to learn, especially about points of view. I only have my own, but I – we – have to learn to see the world from other points of view. It takes practice to be empathetic, to truly put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s the first step to truly becoming an ally.”

“It’s hard,” Jeff replied. “Especially if you have a limited imagination.”

“Generation X in a millennial world seems so pointless. I don’t think they’re handling BLM better than we are, I think it’s about the same. But they process it differently. They reflect and pour out their thoughts in real time. There’s no pause. I feel like Gen-X broods before sharing.”

“Why not write about this? What you’re trying to process?”

I snorted. “No one wants to hear a Gen-X white woman’s thoughts on Black Lives Matter.”

“No one,” Jeff agreed.

“How would I talk about processing the movement as me, but without it being about me?”

“How about just like that?”

***

My friend Melissa – also since the seventh grade – began sharing pictures of her family dinners again. She’d stopped because it seemed frivolous. “But, I realized a little frivolity goes a long way in trying times,” she wrote on Facebook.

Melissa’s Gado Gado from the original
Moosewood Cookbook

I’m glad Melissa’s posting again. Her posts don’t take away from the serious issues of our world. They provide a break, a chance to breathe. We need the breaks to keep up the BLM momentum because it’s all uphill from here. Breonna Taylor. Jacob Blake.

Melissa inspired me. Look at her beautiful meal! She’s inspiring you too, I can tell. We’re lucky to have Melissa’s gorgeous meals and witty life commentary back on our social media feeds.

So here I am after a three month absence. Hopefully with a little frivolity of my own.

I’ve missed you! Leave me a comment or send me a message on how you’ve been managing with COVID, BLM, unemployment, and everything else going on in the world.

Can You Breathe?

Eric Garner couldn’t breathe in 2014. George Floyd couldn’t breathe in 2020. Learn about how little has changed in six years here.

The Groveland Four were wrongfully accused of raping a white woman in 1949. In 2020, white woman Amy Cooper called NY police on a black man after he asked her to leash her dog in Central Park. Learn about how little has changed in 70 years here.

My mother taught me that it is wrong to not like someone for something they have no control over, like skin color or gender or sexual orientation or a disability. I’m not the only well-meaning white person who wants to help my fellow Americans and can finally see, plain as day, that meaning well means nothing.

For all of my generation’s luck to be born after the enactment of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. For our TV diet of Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and Schoolhouse Rock. For the rise of rap and hip-hop as legitimate music. For the first generation of black athletes paid their worth. Generation X has had very little impact on systemic racism in America.

Generation X is pessimistic about social transformation. Millennials are more likely to oppose racism, according to Data for Progress.

Last night I checked in with friends in San Francisco, which just enacted a city-wide curfew. We talked about how sad and helpless we felt. “Donate! That’s what I’ve been doing,” Marshall said. Marshall is one of the smartest, kindest, most gorgeous people I know. And yes, he’s a millennial. “Put your money where your heart is! You want to help but you don’t want to feel like you’re just sad and angry and powerless. But I think by doing the research, understanding why and how black Americans have always been discriminated against, and then taking some sort of action, you’re playing a role.” He immediately DM’d links to resources all over social media.

I’m a white middle-class American woman. I have a lot to learn. But I’m a dutiful student. After going through Marshall’s links I went to Black Lives Matter and started at the “About” tab. Next was donate. Money makes policies change. Check out this great resource for donating by The Cut.

Learn more about how to be an effective ally here.

Read the LA Times’ Op-Ed by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Don’t understand the protests? What you’re seeing is people pushed to the edge here.

What about you, how are you feeling? What actions are you taking? What else can well-meaning people do to help? Let me know in the comments below.

Karens for Good, a reddit thread

Alyssa’s Greatest Hits

IT HAPPENED! Freddie and Alyssa hosted the Zoom chat with the 3 winners – including me! It was a blast! Alyssa and Freddie are genuine, sweet people. We talked about DAYS of course, but also theater, public health, hometowns, pets…a wide range! It was so nice to have conversations with new people. Like we were strangers chatting each other up in line. I long for those pre-COVID moments, the chance encounters with strangers that could go either way – a friendly conversation that makes your night or a dude shouting at you to suck their d!ck. (Do I look like I’m into baby food? F*ck you!)

I didn’t thank them during the chat like I’d planned. It felt weird with others on the Zoom – they were there just as DAYS fans, not The Pivot Principle. Instead, I sent a brief DM after:

Thank you Alyssa and Freddie! If you wondered if something good would come of posting The Pivot Principle on YouTube, IT DID. It gave me the push to change my life. From unused potential to being kinetic. From frozen with fear to giving-no-sh*ts if I fail because there is value in trying. From C activity to A activity – wow, it’s the best way to learn. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for writing it and sharing it!

So, as I pivot (see what I did there?) from effusively blogging about my millennial gurus, I give you a gift: Alyssa’s best quotes. May she upend your world like she did mine. Drop some knowledge, Alyssa!

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.
Introduction

Any time you catch yourself about to say, “I don’t have the time for _____,” stop and say, “_____ is not a priority.”
Ch. 5, Pivot on Purpose

To reach new heights, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Ch. 1, Pivot from Fear

Only use positive words when speaking, especially to yourself.
Ch. 3, Pivot your Mindset

If all you do is try and speak your life into existence without action, you will see zero progress. But the moment you align your actions with your beliefs, and make your intentions clear to the world, you will be pleasantly surprised. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Positive reinforcement not only to yourself but to the world will leave you ready to rock it. Revive your sparkle, manifest your dreams, realize your worth.
Ch. 7, Pivot your Routine

There is no perfect moment. “Being ready” is an excuse.
-Ch. 1, Pivot from Fear

The Zoom chat!
OF COURSE I ADDED IT TO MY STORY